The Subtleties of Survival

Summertime is made for home projects. I love rummaging through the garage, discoveringFenceWoodSm long lost tools, lonely scraps of wood and metal, and partially built dreams of the past. Running to the home improvement store to buy more is just the icing on the cake.

Fall is when something actually gets accomplished. Productivity is driven by the fear of the inevitable, a drop in temperatures, perhaps even a snowflake or two. Once the grass stops growing, eliminating that pesky lawn mowing chore, my schedule opens up for a bit of fun. This year I decided to attack the back yard fence. Oh sure, I took it down two years ago, but the panels still lay in a pile against the house, awaiting final disassembly.

After four hours of removing nails and separating the wood I wondered how I would get it out of the yard into a trash collection approved sized pile. Aha! With an ear to ear grin I ran back into the garage and embraced my beloved chainsaw. With excitement I rolled an extension cord out to the pile of fence detritus, plugged in the chainsaw, and had at it.

ChainsawBeneath the pleasant purr of the chainsaw, I began to hear another sound. Was it whimpering? Was the rest of the fence pleading for mercy? No. It sounded more like…laughter. I looked behind me to find my neighbor from down the road doubled over, red faced, tears streaming, guffawing uncontrollably.  Then he began pointing at the power cord.

 “How ya gonna, hick, hick, hick. How ya gonna, hick, hick, hick.” He could barely get it out between the spasms of giggles, “How ya gonna kill zombies when the power goes out?”

How could I have missed that? It’s so obvious. And I own how many zombie movies? Everybody knows that electricity is the first thing to go. Everybody also knows that the chainsaw, while perhaps not key, is a savvy choice for survival gear. Why didn’t I put the two together?

ChainsawGirlSmRightThe mood was gone, so I got cleaned up and headed out to do a bit of shopping. I stopped at the bookstore first. Still stinging from the hysterical reaction to my chainsaw, I picked up a copy of The U.S. Navy SEAL Survival Handbook. I thought it might up my apocalyptic survival odds. On the way back I made another purchase. At the home improvement store. There wasn’t going to be any snickering the next day when I finished the fence job.

So how was your summer?

Les Denton

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